I love learning new languages. I am terrified of speaking new languages to actual people. It is a conundrum. For the past couple of years, I have not worried too much about this. Learning something is better than learning nothing, and I personally needed to give myself a break and learn little by little in order to learn anything at all. I have a tendency to get overwhelmed easily by tasks I find daunting; I let the perfect be the enemy of the good. So I didn’t even try to be “good.” I just tried to have fun. And it worked! Instead of giving up on language study for months or years at a time, I’m putting in a little work (nearly) every single day.
The past couple months, I’ve been leaning more and more towards finally breaking out of my shell and booking an iTalki lesson. For those who are not familiar with it, iTalki is a website where you can book a tutor in a wide selection of languages. You can use a professional teacher (usually a little more expensive) for a more structured lesson, or a community tutor. Benny Lewis is perhaps the most vocal iTalki supporter (unsurprising, given his Speak From Day One mantra), but he is in good company within the polyglot community. In blog after blog, language learners recommend iTalki. I’ve seen so many variations of “I was really nervous about it, but I can’t believe how much it helped!”
Last night, I finally broke. Before I could overthink it, I bought iTalki credits, booked a teacher, and now have my first ever iTalki lesson scheduled for tonight. I am scared out of my freaking mind. I chose a professional teacher just to provide a little more structure and guidance, but I am not sure exactly how the lesson will play out. I have created a little cheat sheet based on this post, to give myself some confidence, and to assure myself that I can give an introduction and make (a little) conversation if need be.
So why did I finally break? Part of it was the overwhelming advice from the polyglot community. Part of it is that this has been building up for a while – last year when I was studying German I bookmarked several potential teachers, but was never brave enough to actually book a lesson. And part of it is that my focus in Mandarin is almost entirely in speaking and listening, and I am finding it hard to study it in a vacuum. How do I know if my tones are totally off if I have no one to hear them? With other languages I’ve studied I feel like I can at least do something productive and communicative by reading and writing. But when my only goal is speaking, shouldn’t I, you know…speak?
The good (bad) part of having to book an iTalki lesson in advance is that you’ve committed yourself (or at least your money), and it makes it harder to back out if your courage fails you at the last minute. I can make an impulsive decision late at night (which is when I’m at my most impulsive), and then find myself having to follow through in the cold light of day. It is good. It is terrifying. I do not feel ready. But I will never feel ready, so it is time to just take the plunge.
If things go well (I hope they go well), then I want to commit myself to weekly lessons. And then, once I prove to myself that it’s not as scary as I think, I can continue to use iTalki for future languages.
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